Many moons ago, as the days grew short and the air thick with the cold of autumn’s decline, Alvin Greene was allegedly witnessing the act of human reproduction. He then turned to a fellow human and showed her this example of how humans come to be. And now a South Carolina grand jury, out of touch with the Dao, has finally indicted Greene for this simple act. Do the people of South Carolina realize that what Alvin Greene had on his computer is the most pivotal experience of our existence? READ MORE »
Not since Elanora X. Rossosvelte ate her first pecan pie has such a terror been unleashed upon the good people of Chevy Chase, Maryland. “Well why not just knock him off his high horse,” the Pope snarled at Jesus, who stood weeping dressed in the original Declaration of Independence. Everybody thought it was something special, like a blind man eating a hundred-dollar sandwich. But who is to blame for current economic worries, etc.? READ MORE »
Illegal Mexicans took all our jobs! For example, somebody who doesn’t even speak English got the job of painting a wingnut slogan on this creepy old van abandoned in the Austin airport garage. An American wingnut could’ve earned several sacks of anus burgers painting this slogan and still screwed the language just as much in the process. Thanks to Wonkette operative Matthew V. for documenting this particular outrage.
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If your music collection consists of iTunes downloads, burned CDs labeled “Party Mix 3,” and Pandora, do yourself a favor and get some real music at D.C.’s record fair this Sunday.
Som Records, one of DC’s finest record stores, is hosting the fair in conjunction with DC Soul Recordings, The Civilian Arts Project and D.C. music blog The Vinyl District. Record dealers from New York to North Carolina will be in attendance, selling rare, used and new vinyl from all genres. READ MORE »
- Friday, Jan. 23: Brooklyn-based DJ crew American Dream Team play at the Rock & Roll Hotel at 9:30PM, and you better pray to God they play their hit “Money,” a snazzy electro song with lyrics that repeat “money, bitches, cars, clothes and weed,” D.C.’s favorite vices. [Rock & Roll Hotel] READ MORE »
Yes, we sort of expected this, but it’s still a strange thing to see in the old Wonkette Tips box. Hello, Karl!
Important online newspaper The Huffington Post has put up a crucial gallery of Joe Biden and his wife, “Teresa Heinz,” kissing on Inauguration night — a veritable metaphorical TRASHING of the office in which Biden serves. Can Joe Biden escape this latest gaffe of kissing his wife in public? [HuffPo]
Since no one really knows what the hell is going on with these rotten New York Democrats, we’ll accept as fact-ish this latest installment in the New York Post‘s successful 24-hour sledgehammering of Caroline Kennedy’s entire life and reputation: “In a stunning revelation, a source close to Gov. David Paterson insisted this afternoon that the governor ‘had no intention’ of picking Caroline Kennedy for New York’s vacant senate seat — because she was ‘mired’ in an issue over taxes, her nanny and possibly her marriage.” Maybe David Paterson should appoint someone right now, what with the escalating twin national embarrassments that are the New York Democratic Party and the entire Kennedy family and all. [NY Post]
Sarah Palin made it very clear that when the campaign was over and she had lost, she would go back to Alaska, which, in her words, is “the state that I am the executive of,” and use her role in this capacity to make the state better. Since returning, she has helped Alaska by holding interviews with every wingnut and cable news anchor willing to talk to her about how nothing was her fault during the campaign. Although these gubernatorial leadership efforts have already made Alaska the most respectable place on Earth, Palin is not one to rest, and now she will help her state even more by devoting all of her time towards shopping a multi-million-dollar book deal. READ MORE »
